awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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