Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
