i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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