Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
