Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
