you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
