I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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