i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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