I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
