I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
