Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
look no pants
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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