Umm I'm too high to move.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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