i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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