dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
