My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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