sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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