just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize