That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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