Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
