Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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