I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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