Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
