i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
