either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize