It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
