i think i have herpe
just one?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
