she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
