Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
