I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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