You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
