What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize