Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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