Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
