omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
