i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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