Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
