i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
