last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
