We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
