he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
