He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
