I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
