It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
