one might say we're banned from that church
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
