good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
