I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
