we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
