You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Randomize
