and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
