I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
