everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
