I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize