Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
