I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
