I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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