So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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