i think my tv is drunk
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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