i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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