we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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