No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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