I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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