I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I could fuck to npr.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
