I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize