Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
