SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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