i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
